Journal, Personal

Thoughts on being loved

I give thanks that I am loved.

It might be presumptuous of me, but I think I’m fortunate. Lucky. Blessed.

Whatever force you believe in, random sparks of life, or meeting of the fates, it’s really quite incomprehensible. 

How could this be? For if I loathe myself so much, that someone else could find love in their hearts. The generosity of it all. That we could be so selfless to another being, when we are also so selfishly absorbed in our own machinations, that another could be considered.

Thus, what other response is there to give to the faith placed in you, except to give the very best of yourself in return?

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Journal

Writing Less

Doing more.

Doing more?

I don’t really know what prompted my retreat from the sphere of public publishing. Some of it seemed to stem from how ephemeral the exercise was. Write a few words, share it on Facebook, get a few likes, maybe some comments, maybe none at all. Then something else comes along. Something shinier, more brazen, deflects your attention and it almost seems like the words you had just typed were already inconsequential the moment they ended up onscreen.

And yet, there was also a sense of freedom, that I didn’t have to log every little nuance down. I became, and am now more interested in living than in archiving. Something’s changed in me these past six months, and I feel more present than ever. I’m leading a quieter life, but strangely I don’t miss the old life. I do get scared that I’m not meeting my friends as much, or growing my network as much, but I figure those things will come in due time.

I’m happy, I’m sad, but I’m confident that I’m allowed to live life on my own terms versus the expectation of what people expect from the projected personalities on the Internet.

Perhaps I was looking for that thread of innocence amidst the clump of threads that I had complicated my life with all those years ago. Who am I? Do I matter? And sometimes the answer is “no” as much as it is “yes”. But the beautiful thing is that regardless of the answer at whatever point the answer chooses to manifest itself as, I know that I am both, and I come to this altar of publishing, and offer my sacrifice of words, that the God or gods would take them, and have their way with them. I will be judged, condemned and redeemed all at once. I will live and die all at once.

Writing less. Doing more? More. And less.

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Culture, Journal

My Week in Photos: 2016-09

For the week, 29 February – 6 March

I’ve been trying to get out of the project’s rut by enforcing some added discipline, but it may not be enough because I’m being confronted with the lack of inspiration. However, one thing that did surface from this last week has been location plays a part in the creative process. Perhaps I’ve been looking in the wrong places (ie. Not moving out of my comfort zone), and so this week I made a concerted effort to go to a place that I’d been noticing around my neighbourhood, and taking photos in this new place was both refreshing and invigorating.

Notes from this series

  • The primary location was this open space opposite where I live. Close by is a port, and the location where I took the photos was only recently developed, and so there was a lot of empty space. I took it on a Sunday morning at 730am, so there really wasn’t anyone around as well.
  • I really enjoy the desolation and quiet. I made a conscious effort to try the iPhone’s faux paronamic stitching tool, and while it’s not perfect, it’ll suffice.
  • I wish I took a better picture of that chair. It’ll be appearing in a friend’s music video some time in April or May.

As always, the project is being archived here.

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Culture, Journal

My Week in Photos: 2016-08

For the week, 22 – 28 February

This week, I went to the Esplanade to watch Nick play a set with Jaime Wong. It was a rather intimate set with very minimal instrumentation, and it was nice to see a decent turnout for the gig. Nick’s a close friend of mine, and I wish him every success in his craft and endeavours.

I also went to check out the Open Farm Community Social Market over the weekend. It was nice but… it just felt a bit off centre also. I mean, I have tremendous respect for the people who were there to sell the produce, but maybe it still hasn’t sunk in that Singapore is a place where we’re known for domestic produce or products. To that end, it is encouraging that something is happening in Singapore, and I hope to see more homegrown creativity and entrepreneurship being celebrated.

Notes from this series
– Not a very inspired week.
– My favourite photo would be the top-down shot from over the balcony that frames some cafe tables and chairs as well. Composition-wise, I’m happy with the variety of shapes in the photograph.

As always, the project is being archived here

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Culture, Journal

My Week in Photos: 2016-07

I’m trying to get back into a routine to find some sort of bearing for my life again. Sitting at home and playing computer games for the majority of daylight isn’t a very healthy psychological disposition. Unfortunately I haven’t really found that spark yet. Don’t infer too much meaning from this post as I am posting it about four days late, and I wish I could give a better recount of the photos I took.

Notes about this series

  • I’m highlighting the first photo, because I remember walking my partner to the train station in the morning, and decided to have a moment to myself at a canal near my home. From across me, I remember the morning light as being very cooling, and calming. I don’t want to live a life where I’m rushing to every errand, and forget the serenity of mornings.
  • I quite like the pictures I took from inside the car when we were under a highway.
  • Sometimes the moon is the only thing you see at night. It was somewhat close to us when I took the last picture.

As always, the project is archived here.

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Culture, Journal

My Week in Photos: 2016-06

For the week, 8 – 14 February 2016

One more week has passed. I haven’t been making any headway with the job hunt because it was the Chinese New Year on Monday and Tuesday. Most people have been away since last Friday and some are extending till the Wednesday. I’m just taking it as a sort of semi-excuse to enjoy some time off, and not think too much about the future. Unfortunately, the unhealthy byproduct is that I’m not thinking too much about anything either, and this is the second week that the mwip project has suffered.

I do feel pretty good that I’ve finally caught up with the publishing backlog though.

As always, the entire project is being archived here.

Notes from this series

  • This post is dated 14 February 2016, but was actually published on 17 February 2016.
  • Nothing really struck me this week. I’m really doing this out of duty, and it looks and feels painfully uninspiring.

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Culture, Journal

My Week in Photos: 2016-05

This has been the first week of unemployment. I’m still not motivated to take photos or leave the house unless I need to.

As always, the entire project is being archived here.

Notes from this series

  • For all the talk about not being inspired, there was an amazing sunset happening outside my apartment. It looked like a spiral of fire had descended upon us. I’m still not too sure how I’m supposed to take monochrome pictures of such visually stunning events, but I’d like to figure that out.

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Culture, Journal

My Week in Photos: 2016-04

This last week has been a rough one. I got retrenched on Thursday and although I saw something coming a week ago, you still have to learn to let go when it happens.

As usual, the entire project is being archived here.

Notes from this series

  • I tried to be aware of my surroundings when taking photographs, and the paths that I’m used to walking have taken a different hue in my mind’s eye.
  • My favourite photo from this series is the vertical shot of the air conditioning ducts with the steps leading up to the door. The 3pm sun casted some really nice shadows on the wall. I also enjoy how level the shot is.
  • While this post is dated 31 January 2016, it was actually posted on 17 February 2016. I’ve been dealing with a lot of unmotivation and can’t seem to jumpstart myself.

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Culture, Journal

My Week in Photos: 2016-03

Week 3 of the MWIP project has been rather challenging in terms of making the effort to take a daily photograph. While not a requirement of the project (I’m supposed to present my favourite photos from the week), I did form a tinge of guilt for not keeping up with a daily discipline.

What was fun though, was being able to take some macro shots with the Magniband, a strap with a macro lens that you can easily attach to your smartphone. Link

You can see this in action in 3 of the photos. I don’t think I need to say which. I took those in low light from a singular light source, and was just messing about with the subjects in my room. It’s really interesting when you have a new tool that lets you change your perspective.

Notes from this series

  • Rain always produces puddles of water which are great for catching reflections. My personal favourites are the ones where I caught the building’s reflection in the manhole cover, and the one where you can see the refletion of two girls sitting on a bench. The stains on the floor were also an excellent foreground for the frame. It’s sort of like a dirty dream.
  • Patterns. Not really a fan of how I captured the shot with the installation made from lights. But, the idea was there. Through my eyes, it was calming to see all the lights in a row, in a repeated system. Unfortunately, I didn’t achieve that through the perspective of my lens. Limitations of the photographer and the tool I reckon.
  • Composition and shapes. The shot of the balcony that was half wet and half over-exposed also struck me as one that I really like. It’s rather neat in the way the subjects are segmented, and all through the randomness of nature. It was one photograph where I did absolutely zero post-production.
  • The photo of the clouds was the most liked photo on instagram that week, which I find surprising. Personally, I find it boring, but I suppose it was a beautiful day, and people do like to look at clouds. I’m open to that, that these presentations are a dialogue with whoeever comes across them. I just find it boring, because I wasn’t really challenged in any way while taking the photo. I do think it’s nice though.

Maybe if you see something you like, or something that strikes you, I’d like to know! Leave a comment, and maybe we can start a dialogue regarding this project.

As always, the entire project is being archived here.

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