So it’s technically two and a half hours into Christmas Eve and I guess I wanted to write in here, just because it’s been awhile. Y’know, keep the ink flowing in the pen.
I’m not a necessarily festive person, I like the parties that come along with it, but the fanfare never did much for me. It was always too distracting, like it diverted your heart from the things that truly mattered. And by things that matter, I of course mean people and the relationships that you have with them. If you can say you are loved, and have loved.. I think that is a very rich life. Material things are the fanfare that come along and distract us from what truly matters. I don’t know if everyone agrees, but when you’re happy even in the little, that’s a rich life. That’s the crux of my thesis on this anyway.
So why did I bring that up? Well, since it’s Christmas Eve, I guess I recognise that there are a lot of things that I am thankful for, and a lot of things that I’m waiting for in the new year. Maybe tonight, i feel that 2009 is really the eve to 2010. Whether 2010 will be awesome or not, I do not know, but I think it will be a year of change for me. At the very least.
First up is my vocation. As you might know by now, I quit my job in August, and have really just been taking a break for the longest time. It’s been good, because I found out the things that were truly important to me: My relationships with my family and friends. Especially when you have no job, it was a reminder that you love me for me. Not because I did cool work in a cool agency or played in bands and all the peripherals. I think this time of re-bonding and opening more channels of communication has given me the confidence to do something apart from the media industry. Some of you may know I’m thinking of teaching, and I’m already sending out some applications to schools to be a relief teacher. The next step is to register for an IELTS exam and apply to MOE with those results. If I get accepted by the Ministry of Education, I suppose the next four years of my life will be pretty much mapped out. But yes, a change in vocation is one of the things that I’m worrying and hopeful about.
Next is perhaps what my presence online will entail. As you no doubt know about my trifecta of online presence by now with my incessant droning on the subject, something very exciting is in the works. I was contacted by Adib of Farm and Five Foot Way fame to help on his new project, Happyesque. Needless to say, I am stoked at this opportunity, because it gives me a chance to flex some of my writing muscles, and hopefully become good at it. Our editorial direction is the collection of good things and good ideas, that benefit mankind and society. It’s very, very interesting, and its definitely part of my expanding interests, and keeping in touch with my previous industry.
And with all that, I’ll continue busying myself with music. One of the biggest realisations I’ve had this year is that as a bassplayer, I’ve finally recognised that as individuals of Leeson, we each define the band more than the band defines us. By being involved in numerous other projects than just one band, its added to our worth as musicians, and I believe lays the foundation for even more interesting projects and growth in the realm of music. Shelves is another aspect where I’m growing, and perhaps another side project with Rudi when we finally get our act together when it comes to learning more about our recording tools.
It’s a bit daunting, and definitely distracting, all the possibilities that lie in wait of us all. I don’t believe I am alone in this, there is a lot of anticipation for those of us in this stage of life. If you’re reading this, you’re probably part of my journey somehow and I just want to thank you, if somewhat indirectly, for being with me thus far and being an encouragement. I hope I won’t get distracted by all this and forget what my ultimate goal in all this is. To draw closer to God, the one true creator and saviour of the world, who was born on Christmas Day. I suppose what I’m trying to say is “What good is it for a man to gain the world, yet forfeit his soul?” – Mark 8:36
It is becoming glaringly obvious to myself that I am a terrible writer. If I do not will it, it comes, but when I do, it shuts itself from me. If my living depended on it I would be a pauper. I have not been entrusted with the key of good writing to unlock the vault of hidden stories at will.
I’ll admit it, now that I’ve built the blogs, filling them with stories and pictures is hard, mostly because I’m lazy or uninspired. But I don’t believe writing can only be done as an inspiration as much as discipline is more important, with the purpose of communication of course.
Of course, what is this purpose of all this? Lamenting here and feeling sorry for myself. It’s one of the downsides of having worked in public relations and brand management. You care too much about perception. True, when I blogged a certain way even before I worked in the industry, of course I wanted to be perceived a certain way, but even more so now that it affects my subconscious. This is not good, especially for neurotic pigeons like myself.
And now its one thirty in the morning of a Sunday night, and I’m wishing there was someone around for good conversation, just so I could get my hit of catharsis without speaking into the empty air. Maybe I’m just terrified of losing my voice, the intrinsic little timbre in the inflections that reminds me, I’m still me. Or the carefree and brazen Come What May attitude I used to hold when I wrote.
This voice somehow seems to lack courage and a personality. Doesn’t it sound defeated and resigned to you? There are too many rules that I’ve learned, too many things I’ve seen and observed, too many unknowns that I dare not tread. Where is the luster that inexperienced youth used to hold? Why do adults lose that burning passion when they gain more and more in this forsaken world? Why do we always end up taking the safe route and fading away into thin air, as if the war was over? Why do we dream about the holidays when we used to dream about saving the world? [ref: Wintersleep's Search Party]
Mayhaps one day we find what we’ve all been searching for.
Today is my parents’ wedding anniversary, and also the birthdays of some of the friends who I remember. Well, maybe I’ll add to it, the date that the network is up! Yes, that’s right, the idea that I had been dreaming up has now come to fruition. Three separate entities for three different aspects of my life.
Why did you do this again?
I suppose it came from a certain amount of dissatisfaction at my own state of blogging. One time I would trying to be professional, giving serious commentary on the state of things, and another time I just wanted to goof around or be plainly cryptic for the sake of catharsis. In essence, my need for expression grew to big for just one blog. Here, I’ll break it down for you:
Personal
You’re looking at the personal side of my online persona. The reason why I started blogging on blogspot six years ago. A place where ideas such as this can be expounded on, constant betas, cryptic messages, a scrapbook of what makes the life of brian leery. Or as Daryl puts it, a ‘mee pok’ blog.
I had this idea, that I wanted to continue commenting and reporting on industry trends or maybe have a blog that has a more active voice and behaved like online media. I guess I wanted to bring a certain professionalisation to the blogosphere, and prove that bloggers are a valuable and alternate media source.
And finally the last piece of the puzzle which I just finished today. It’s a public self that chronicles all the things I do online. I’ve always been fascinated by lifestreams. I recognise that not much engagement happens on a lifestream, and that its more self-serving than anything else, but it serves the purpose of a public page. This page just acts as an aggregator of my online life, and will appear in my namecards or signatures, but I made sure to point you in the right direction if you prefer to actually read my work.
And there it is! I almost feel like I’ve been reborn on the web, or broken past the confines I once had in my previous online self. The beauty of this fundamentally decentralised idea (each site can exist on its own with its own audience), is that ultimately little clues point you back to the litford persona.
I think this was the second gig we played this year. It was a charity gig meant to raise funds and awareness for a ‘lil girl, Charmaine, who is suffering from Neuroblastoma. You can read the blog chronicling her trials and treatments here.
Here’re the videos of our set that day, as recorded by one man army, Ron of Gigvideos fame.
Setlist
1. Absolute Beginners
2. Always A Way
3. Some Girls
4. Paperbag Girls
5. Mr And Mrs
6. Amsterdam (Chinatown)
Leeson just had the tremendous opportunity to play at the Music Matters Advertising Forum last night alongside Singapore greats like Electrico, Stomping Ground, Inch and Don Richmond. It all started with Des from Electrico asking if we would like to play, and seeing how we were short on gigs this year, we excitedly agreed.
Last night was rather special only because it was rather nostalgic in the sense that the band was reminiscing all the fun over the years. I guess that was aided when Bryan from RazorTV interviewed us, and allowed us to take stock of everything we’ve done. From recording our two EPs to playing in some of the best local music venues in Singapore. We never did get the critical mass that would make us massively popular, but what a journey it’s been so far! I’m very very thankful that the band has been blessed so much.
Y’know, strip away the glitz and glamour of the so-called rockstar lifestyle.. and the things that last are the friendships we’ve made and the growth we’ve made as musicians. I think at the end of the day, that’s what we’ve enjoyed and allowed us to last as long as we have, especially when it’s been such a core part of our lives.
As I was telling Thomas, our guitarist, when we first started the band, the idea of the band defined us. It made us who we were individually because it was cool to be in a band, and everything we did, we did for the lifestyle or thrill of being in one. But over the years as maturity grows, I think we’ve each started to define the band, and that’s a big step. Because life is bigger than being in bands, music is bigger than being in bands.. and that’s how we’ve constantly stayed happy over the years.
So I’ve finally finished with the back end work of Singularity Industries, and while its there waiting for content to be populated, I cannot help but second guess my current endeavors with this project. I’m two-thirds of my way through with what I think litford.net should be, and there is this doubt in my head if I can maintain three separate mediums.
You know what? I probably can’t. But I’ve automated the lifestream, so that means this blog and the main domain will have have some degree of content, albeit lifeless. Yongfook himself lamented about the insular nature of lifestreaming, and he pretty much invented Sweetcron, king of lifestreaming software.
I suppose this leaves me free to concentrate on content for Singularity Industries, and develop my writing style. It’s just dawned on me, that while I do enjoy writing, I perhaps only enjoy writing reflexively. This however, will not do with Singularity. I think it’ll be a good discipline to add more objectivity or reportage to that blog.. and perhaps distance this blog from it too. Just so this can be my special little place to pen journal-like posts.
Okay, now that I’ve thought it out, it seems to make sense again. See you on the other side!
