It’s been another long, tiring day, surviving on four and a half hours of sleep again. I really need to make an effort to get enough rest to allow me to get through the next day, and maybe enjoy my time off work better.
Today’s lessons were a mixed bag. There was some improvement of participation in some classes, but there were others that were a total nightmare! There was a particular one that had 40 students in total, all the way from Secondary One to Secondary Four.. and I guess I got the full brunt of disruptive students. It really is a minority that sap all your strength, and can make you question your resolve, or why you’re doing this in the first place.
Also, one of the teachers came to talk to me and thank me for my efforts, as well as share a bit more about the school. As we chatted, it became startlingly apparent that I was only tasting the full workload and responsibilities of a teacher. As you can imagine, I am starting to doubt if I actually have it in me to make this a career and change my own life.
As I made my daily pilgrimage to the kopitiam near my house after work, I was watching this video from the Monocle Podcast. It’s about Thandi Wines, the first Vineyard and Wine Company managed by a black collective in an industry dominated by white men, until now. Do watch the video, it’s quite inspirational seeing their general manager talk with so much passion about what he does, why he believes in it, and why he knows it’s the right thing to do. This passion translates into energy, and the application of knowledge, experience and labour in an economical and profitable manner. And like he says, improving the lives of his fellow men.
So it got me thinking about my own passions. Passion to teach and nurture that is. Or passion to come up with lesson plans, or improve the quality of education. What exactly is it? And what will allow me to come to work daily, full of purpose? Courage and strength to change what I can, and wisdom to accept what I can’t. I’m still a bit unsure, there are plenty of noble things that come with teaching, but the reality is that it is a lot of hard work, a lot students who don’t care, who don’t fit in.. and while there is nothing morally wrong, or factually wrong (if there’s a statistic for success vs. failure), and people always fall through the cracks.. I do wonder if the acceptance that one teacher cannot save everyone is throwing in the towel, or being realistic.. to apply energies more economically to helping those that want help.
I suspect this is one of those things where it cannot just measured by pros and cons. I have a sneaking suspicion that the cons might outweigh the pros, but I do wonder if that’s what its like to be in the civil service. But one of my main concerns is, will there be a work-life balance? Will workflow be more streamlined the longer I stay in this field, and not need to spend so much energy performing the most basic of tasks. I hope the realisation comes sooner than later.
So it was the second day for me at my relief position, and I haven’t been sleeping much because I’ve been staying up preparing lesson plans and materials. It’s a bit draining when you don’t really have a template to follow, and each class and student almost feels as if you need a customised approach.
I’m not going to pin the blame on any system, as I’m still too green to critique on that, but I do recognise my general inexperience to the teaching profession. Already I can see that I need some sort of text, syllabus or format to be more effective in my preparations and planning. Also I’ve nailed a rough system, that given more time, I can apply the following methodology more effectively.
1. What do I want my students to learn?
2. What teaching methods will I use?
3. What teaching aids and materials will we need?
4. How do I assess the the aptitude of my students for the topic?
5. How do I assess the effectiveness of the methods and material?
6. How can I make this lesson interesting?
But lastly, the relational aspect of handling a class of youths is something that constantly changes, and the teacher has to be quick on his or her feet to improvise when necessary.
I almost liken each lesson to be a sort of performance, that should connect with the audience on a level that allows them to take something away. Hence, being able to effectively present will do justice to the due diligence that happens during the preparation phase. Maybe the flow for each of my lessons should look something like this:
Preparation -> Delivery -> Revision -> Assessment
But perhaps the tip I want to remember most, is what was shared by Uncle Soo Inn, “Be real. Care for the students. Learn from your fumbles. Trust in God. You are going to be ok. ”
Okay, I admit, it was rather strenuous. I know before this, deep down, I was always downplaying the immense energy required to do proper crowd control in a classroom, thinking rather naively, that students crave knowledge. (As I have accustomed myself too ever since university.)
But perhaps the reality is, we all want different things, and for some, being locked into a class with a teacher is very stifling. The problem with organised education is that it’s very difficult to please everybody. I suppose the balance of having a fun and enjoyable learning environment plus being super effective is indeed as razor thin as a strand of hair.
Anyway, I expanded quite a lot of energy on various administrative tasks that range from lesson preparation, technical trouble shooting, worrying about structures and just trying to teach. It was definitely eye opening, having no formal training whatsoever, and not having that much time to prepare, but maybe tomorrow I will be better.
So, I’m physically drained, but the other parts of me are rather lifted. It’s nice to be working again, applying myself in a productive fashion. I only hope it’s not a short lived thing, but that I can perhaps make a career out of doing something useful with my life.
Oh well, I just wrote in here so that one day I can look back on all this.
I don’t know if you know, but I’ve been trying to find placeholder pictures for each entry, just so my lifestream looks pretty. Honestly, its not the best way for me to get my catharsis out, it becomes one more obstacle, which then becomes a barrier to free form writing.
But no more! For I have created the placeholder image for such purposes, as seen above, and maybe i’ll change the background image when I feel like it, but for now, this is it. Actually, I didn’t exactly create the image, I just got it off this website, and added the text on Picnik, which is a great web-based photo editing solution.
So this week kind of came and went, I don’t know how or why, but even though I’m not working, I’ve been keeping busy. Mainly recording on Monday & Tuesday nights for a music project for a secondary school, asking schools if they have relief positions available, and doing a fair amount of writing. My article has appeared on Happyesque, and it’s entitled “The Elusive Search For Happiness“. Adib has also designed a wallpaper to detail the life and death of a new year’s resolution. Oh, Adib is the creator of Happyesque, just so you know. And, I also covered the 2010 Singapore Tat2 Festival for Singularity Industries, so yes.. things have been rather hectic in a good way. The bad way is that there’s no money involved in any of these things. Yet?
So there have been a couple of things pressing on my mind lately, one of the most prominent being how am I going to balance my blogging duties? Everything sounded like a good idea at the time, but in the midst of the storm, and you have a responsibility now to editors and an audience, running a blog takes a different level of discipline. I’m not too concerned about my personal space, but Singularity Industries and Happyesque are perhaps where I should be diverting most of my writing energies, to help build it for what it was intended. I now think that building these blogs was perhaps the easy part.
Also, I need to find a job teaching soon. For monetary reasons more than anything else. So why not any job? Because my application to MOE has not been finalised yet, and it might only be by the end of February whether I’ll know if I’m going to be a full-time teacher or not. With this up in the air, it does limit my options to finding work, as perhaps I should only be finding part-time work, which isn’t such a bad idea.
But all in all, I feel like I’m in a good place. My personal relationships have never been better, perhaps because I use the extra time to actually be around and not float from my family to another friend. The extended time out has also been useful to plan the next course of my life, which is something I never really gave much thought prior to entering the workforce, but even I recognise that this timeout has gone on for just a tad too long.
So, there are a couple of things to look forward too as well. Shelves will be rehearsing soon, and we’ve got two gigs lined up. One on the 30th of January, and the other on the 5th of February. I’m actually rather looking forward to this, as it’s been awhile since we met up, everybody sort of took a break during the festive period. But we’re hungry for a piece of the action, to share our music with the people.
I don’t know if that’s all there is to it. It feels good to be writing, or chronicling things they happen.. but mostly that I know I don’t owe anyone, anything on this blog, which was why I started this in the first place. Huzzah!
I went down to the second Singapore Tat2 Show with Chloe Leow on Friday, thanks to media invites from the PR team. So here are some snaps, using my new favourite hipstamatic application for the iPhone.
Chris Garver at work, apparently on a sweet tiger design.
Maybe he wanted it to go with his board shorts.
If you were getting inked on your kneecap, you’d be making the same face.
Sweet John Lenon ink. Miss Norma Jean not so much..
Yes. His ass! Also looks like some kind of Yakuza entourage.
Jeremy (left) uses the traditional Borneo method to knock ink into your bare skin.
Getting ink on his neck. No wonder you just look tough with ink on.
Blue Jeans
They curl around your feet
And fit snugly to your hips
Oh how everything could be like everyday
When every time you could wear the same
Old thing
Everybody needs something blue
Something akin to jeans
Just so they know
There’s no shame in wanting the inane
Nor the habit of unwashed denim
We all need something we can count on
Lasts forever even when you spill Ceylon
My reliable pair
You’re everything I look for when
She’s not there.
” 
