Journal

There’s something wrong with me

catharsis ASCII

Some nights, it creeps back up on me. Its a paralyzing sensation of uselessness that permeates deep in my psyche. I can almost feel it in my bones so much so that even my body decides on its own that there’s nary a thing it wants to do. Except to consume even more of the recycled emotions and thoughts of human beings all over the world.

Sometimes, it leaks into the day as well. Days when I’m supposed to be a contributing member of society yet especially on those days, such lofty aspirations seem trite and ultimately unnecessary.

I wonder, why am I not allowed to indulge in my space of negativity? Why am I not allowed to say what’s in the darkness of my heart? Why does everything in the daytime, want to keep itself so entirely separate from what goes on at night? It’s all rhetorical save the least. I’m just incredibly selfish, and I expect you to indulge me the same way I indulge myself.

And before you know it, light creeps its way back into your life. Whether it’s sunshine leaking through the windows as the burning fireball peaks over the horizon, the night walkers scurry back into their hovels and the day-trodders reclaim the surface world for their own. The machines begin to hum and sputter, rested bones creak out another sordid day of labour and by god! THOSE DAMN BABIES START CRYING.

So that’s what I wanted to say. It’s juvenile and doesn’t reflect the views of my employer. But it comes from somewhere inside me, and I am a part of this world as much as you are. And if I have to deal with you, then you can deal with me.

Deal with it.

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