This shall be a slow start to finding my way with words again. It’s a tad debilitating that what used to be so natural to me, now seems like a chore and discipline.
But with it comes a bit more measure, a bit more thought to what I have to say down here. I look back on my old entries, pre-working life, and see the sort of naiveté that plagues most people who have not seen the world. Not that I’ve truly seen the world, but I probably have chalked up a few wins today as opposed to my twenty year-old self.
And still, I wouldn’t trade now for then, or then for now. The old blogs represented a type of energy, or perhaps enthusiasm, to express in the written form. Whether intended or not, that seems to be the trait that is displayed. I feel a bit more cautious now, perhaps because I’m supposed to have traded youth for experience, and yet, the older we get, the more things we actually don’t know. So how do we sound like we know everything, when we clearly don’t?
Obviously, that’s just rhetoric. But I hope that in building the processes for sharing my thoughts and opinions, that I will be able to exercise this part of myself. I don’t know if it’s just self-comfort, but I’m telling myself that it doesn’t have to be perfect on this platform. As I wonder aloud, it thrills me that there is still joy to be found in these reflexive exercises, and while I may not go down in the annals as one of our generation’s greatest thinkers, at least I bothered to share my thoughts.
Surely that counts for something? Unless it’s more noise than signal.
But that surely is the plague of this phase of the information age. That we are content to not think, but just share the knowledge that we stumble upon. Perhaps what I feel is tantamount only to myself, or if I’m more humble, tantamount to kin who feel the same way. That we write not to prove to others that we exist, but to prove to ourselves that we exist.
Maybe it’s as sad as it sounds, but in this moment right now, it gives me comfort. And maybe I carved this little piece of cyberspace just so I can do that, to be able to be myself, and be by myself. Under this category of the new site, this is a tiny portion that I can be who I am, not the musician, not the marketer, not the professional, but the person.
So here’s to being more human.