How should I pick up the pieces?


Sometimes I feel like a sodding mess, sometimes I feel like I could give it my all. Sometimes when emotions get carried into the workplace, I feel like I should create instead of manage, and sometimes when I’m resting, I think I should be working.

Life was neatly compartmentalised, until one day, compartments weren’t enough.

I didn’t title this post “How do I pick up the pieces”, simply because I know I have to, or I will; it’s in my DNA to face forwards, or meekly accept that I’m not so special that the rest of the world will wait for me. Everything moves forward whether you want to or not.

But some times, I wish I could just stay here in my own filth. To not move, and not become whatever new and improved version I’m supposed to become. Maybe I don’t want to rush it, because I’m still learning from whatever inertia I’ve been jolted out off. Ironically, by staying inert.

Maybe it’s a method to misery, maybe it’s putting my emotions under a microscope. Maybe it’s rationalising as a coping mechanism.

But let me tell you, music’s a lot more visceral now. Which is weird because I stopped feeling to stop hurting.

I stopped feeling to stop hurting.

And yet, when the zeitgeist takes over, when just the right notes go together, in the intensity that pulls the cord in your spirit, and the howls of madmen take over, it’s the type of empathetic agony, that while we’re alone in our filth, we’re not alone in dealing with filth. It’s there, all around, and try as we might, nothing we could ever humanly do could take it away. Except perhaps to be absolutely devoid of all that it means to be human.


Now there’s a pleasant, calm-sounding word.

How should I pick up the pieces? Not by filling the void, but by embracing it.

And maybe one day, relinquishing it.

11+ Bottle Humidifier

11+ Bottle Humidifier

via Minimally Minimal

I take an opinionated approach on aesthetics and from my point of view, almost everything we manufacture today is hideous trash. I see too many people that talk about “good design” without properly demonstrating this promise. We make too much crap, and because we have limited resources, I believe that we should be more outraged.

Slack adds Giphy to Every Chatroom. WUT?!

Slack adds Giphy to Every Chatroom. WUT?!

We just switched this on in the office and all hell broke loose.

We’ve teamed up with Slack to bring GIFs straight into your chatrooms. For the first time ever, Giphy support is built right into the chat client so you don’t have to do any dev work to set it up.

This execution of this idea was so seamless and simple. I hope to see more great mashups like this in the future.

Dive Log 004 – Cebu, Philippines: KonTiki House Reef

Friday 03 July, 2015, 02:40pm – Sea conditions were bad, so we couldn’t take a boat out. However, we needed to complete our course, so this is the last open water dive before getting my open water diving certification! We entered the water via the KonTiki entry point, and finned up before getting into the water. Did a five point descent to a depth of 18 meters, and it was fun times again. Did a bit of underwater navigation, and I know how to use the compass on a basic level now. After the dive, we did a 200 meter swim with just fins, mask and snorkel.

What struck me the most, was being able to swim next to the edge of the reef, and it felt like you were scaling up a cliff. Absolutely spell-binding.

Lastly, I figured out a great way to clear your fins if you had to exit the water from a standing position at the shoreline, basically, time your fin-removal between the pauses of the breaking waves.

Dive Log 003 – Cebu, Philippines: Marine Station

Friday 03 July 2015, 10:30am – The weather situation wasn’t ideal today. We took a boat ride out, also about 5 minutes away and did a seat back roll for entry once again. The sea was very choppy, which made getting in and out of the boat rather challenging. Dove to a depth of 19.1 meters for this dive, and pretty much the same ecology as everywhere else so far.

Being near-weightless and being able to breathe underwater still fascinate me, and I still enjoy looking into the darkness of the never-ending body of water.

Dive Log 002 – Cebu, Philippines: Agus Point

Thursday, 02 July 2015, 02:00pm – Our first dive from a boat! It was about a five minute ride from KonTiki Dive Resort, and once we’d finned up, we took turns entering the water. Entry was a seated back roll. After that, we did a few more drills, dove to a depth of about 12 meters and did a fun dive around the reef. The reef didn’t look very different from the others, saw some catfish and clown fish, and there were also a lot of sea urchins on the sea bed.

Dive Log 001 – Cebu, Philippines: KonTiki House Reef

Wednesday, 01 July 2015, 01:55pm – This is it, my first official open water dive as an adult. I’d dived before when I was fifteen, but that was about seventeen years ago. Before this open water session, Mohan and I received about a day’s worth of knowledge building with regards to diving, and had one confined water dive at a depth of 5m.

We entered the waters through the dive point, and had to fin-up whilst in the water. This proved extremely difficult as the surface water was somewhat choppy, and the tide kept pulling us into the sea. Eventually we did it, and I was rather fatigued before I even started the dive. We swam out into the open waters a bit more before starting our five-point descent.

Once underwater, we swam to the edge of the reef, and that’s where we saw the reef drop off, and when I would get my biggest rush from diving so far. It wasn’t just the strange, alien, things you see, but the absolute nothingness that arrests you as you confront nothing but the vastness of the ocean’s depth, and you’re confronted by your own smallness.

At a depth of 12 meters, it was beautifully calm, and as the feelings of weightlessness take over, as well as the attention to breathing deep, long breaths, you body remembers a calm before the stresses of adult life. For a brief moment, you’re very much a part of the cosmos, as you are an alien to your own ocean backyard.

And with that, our dive concluded, and we surfaced to swim back to shore. But what a rush those thirty minutes underwater were.

Who Is…HTRK (via Wondering Sound)

Who Is…HTRK (via Wondering Sound)

There’s a scene in Fire Walk with Me with a woman walking into a room full of men and there’s a sense of doom in the atmosphere. I remember Sean mentioning that he wanted his bass lines to sound like what she would hear while walking into that room.

I definitely see pictures with my music too.

And within all the flat-line atmosphere there’s a lot of emotion. To me it feels like if you let the floodgates open it could pour emotion all over you, but by keeping it tight there’s a kind of tension there.

And it’s exactly that tension that pulls me asunder, and why I love HTRK so, so much.

We’re always getting called dark, but darkness is not what we’re thinking about. We don’t want to take that away from people, but darkness is kind of boring to us. We’re after a rich truth, not some stylistic stance.

You really sense that there’s more to HTRK than what’s on the surface. In fact, the music is just scratching the surface. Reacting to HTRK’s music, that’s where the magic is. A lot of uncomfortable emotions and thoughts surface whenever I listen to their music, it’s almost like their music whispers and goads you into releasing your inner psyche.

In the wake of Sean’s death, we became kind of obsessed by Sean’s interests, like all the books he listed on MySpace and Fassbinder films and comic books and graphic novels. There was a lot of mystery to Sean that we were trying to unravel while making the album.

Work (Work, Work), still stands as the most fascinating HTRK piece of work for me. It’s complex in its mood and treatment, it too has helped me grieve, either through something vicarious, or by being able to both numb or provide exegesis all at the same time.